Spongebob the Contraceptive Sponge
by Malkshake
Summary: Squidward finally snaps.


**Spongebob the Contraceptive Sponge**

by malkshake

One day in Bikini Bottom, Spongebob Squarepants awoke. As we all know Spongebob is a cocaine addicted contraceptive sponge who fell out of someone's vagina when they went swimming. "Good morning, Gary" Spongebitch said to his snail, Gary. Gary said "meow". In snail language that means "Get me my motherfucking breakfast, bitch." Spongebob ignored him, snorted a line, and left his gay pineapple house to see his butt buddy Patrick. Gary hadn't been fed for weeks and he was pissed now. To serve the spongy little fucker right, he ate Spongebob's gay pineapple house. Unfourtunately, he ate too much and exploded. Spongebob heard the explosion as he was about to knock on Patrick's rock house thing. "What the fuck was that?" he said to himself. Then he shrugged and knocked. "Patrick, come on. I'm almost fucking spent. Open the godfuck door." So Patrick opened the door and he and Spongebob had lots of rough sex. The noises that they made were similar to those of downtown New York at rush hour. In other words loud as all fuck. Squidward, who is almost as queer as Spongebob, was in the middle of fucking himself with his clarinet when he heard all the noise. "Those gay fuckers keep interrupting me with their passionate lovemaking! The least they could do is ask me to join in!" Squidward said to himself. But, no one would have sex with Squidward, because he once had sex with Mr Krabs, and now he has crabs. Squidward decided to do something to make Spongebob and Patrick shut up. He smiled evilly he left his even gayer tiki house thing to go kill them.

He knocked on Patrick's piece of shit house. "Open the motherfucking door" Squidward said to them. "Fuck off squidward. We don't want fucking crabs off of you." came the reply. Squidward knew the one thing that would get them to open up. "Avon calling" said Squidward. "It's probably that new anal lube we ordered" said Spongebob "Or the anti cellulite cream" Patrick, being the fat fuck he is, added. Foolishly they opened the door. "Haha! I've got you now, fuckers!" Squidward whipped out his AK-47 and shot Patrick. Patrick, being the S&M fiend he is, had a huge orgy and sprayed his jizz all over the two. Then he died. "Now I'll kill you, you little fucker" said Squidward. He had been waiting for this moment for years. But first he decided to tenticle rape all of Spongebob's orifices. Spongy took advantage of this moment to escape and ran like fuck. "Fuck you!" yelled Squidward, and grabbed his gun and took off after Spongebob.

"I need to hide somewhere from that physcopathic bastard. But where" said Spongebob aloud to himself. He snorted another line for inspiration. Then he saw the Krusty Krab. He went in and hid in Mr Krabs office. "What the fuck are you doing here?" Mr Krabs said. He was masturbating with some money, and Spongebob puked at the sight of his crab infested crotch. Mr Krabs is actually a pimp and he's raking in the cash. "Squidward's trying to kill me!" Spongebob bitched after he'd finished puking. "Fuck that shit, I'm busy. Get the fuck out of here." Pearl came in and Mr Krabs started having sex with her. That shit grossed Spongebob out so he left. Then he saw Squidward running down the street with his gun. "Oh shit!" said Spongebob and he ran into the Chum Bucket to hide. "What the fuck is going on here?" said that gay shit Plankton, who was watching a porno and having sex with his computer. "Squidward is insane and he's trying to fucking kill me!" Spongebob squealed. Suddenly a hand grenade was tossed in by Squidward. Luckily for Spongebitch, he caught sight of the gay porn Plankton was watching. He got an enormous, spongy boner which propelled him through the wall and out of the Chum Bucket. the whole thing blew up behind him. Spongebob had to find another hiding place. "Where's a place with no water? So I will be safe from the squid/octopus motherfucker" he said and thought. Several hours later, he turned around and noticed he was in front of Sandy the slutty prostitute squirrel's house dome thing. "Oh" he said. Suddenly, he heard a gunshot. Squidward had caught up to him. "DIE YOU ANNOYING LITTLE HOMO FUCKER CRACKHEAD BITCH!" Squidward screamed and then opened fire on Spongey. "oh shit!" said Spongebob, and ran into Sandy's gay house. Her dome was full of whips, chains, handcuffs, ropes and all other kinds of erotica. Sandy was Mr Krabs' biggest money making "employee". It's because she's a slut and she has four pairs of tits, being a squirrel and shit. Squidward followed Spongebob in instead of shooting the glass up because he's a retard. He died because there was no water. "YES!" Spongebob shouted and did a fist pump. "I defeated that dumb mofo!" He snorted the rest of the coke he had in celebration. Unfourtunately, he OD'd and died. Sandy came along and saw corpse. "Oh, I need a new contraceptive sponge, because I'm too ghetto to buy birth control and not all of my customers like wearing condoms. Hahaha" she laughed. She took Spongebitch's body and shoved it up in her snatch. She later died of all the STDs she had.

The end.


End file.
